There’s a new moon in Aries this weekend.
I always feel the full moons more than new ones, sometimes finding myself fragile and volatile for days in the build-up to them. When the moon's new, though, I'm lifted from that that wax and wane, a moment of respite and clean slate, a new year in miniature. The winter has been long and difficult, the weather, the feelings — it all weighed heavily. So this new moon feels in particular like a chance to draw a line under all that (seriously, how many more -15C days can there be?!)
I'm one of those people who does favourite things over and over. I can eat the same dinner for nights, I listen to songs and albums on repeat for weeks until they become so entwined with that time that whenever I listen to them, it's like uncorking a bottle of perfume. I reread certain books over and over (Unbearable Lightness, Middlemarch, Great Expectations, The Moon and Sixpence among my favourite rereads) and my bookspines are often cracked on a poem I reread even though I know it by heart and the words form in my mind before my eyes meet them on the page.
I've often thought that this joy I get from routine and repetition is connected with feeling generally unrooted. Or, perhaps it's because I'm always slightly nervous with new things. When things feel part of me rather than just being on a page or in the world, there's a sense of belonging, of melding with the material, that I don't get from things brand spanking new. But I never thought of it as childlike.
Sometimes, though, I bring routine and repetition to a deliberate halt. I've told you already I'm not going home this year. And this abstinence, it's making me see home and homesickness differently again. This intriguing evolution of my relationship with place, with the place I'm from. And Felicia is in Ireland right now and it's funny: I have this sense of ownership when I read her posts. My Home. My Turf. But knotted up with this feeling of letting it go, not needing to be there... I guess it's not the book I need to reread right now. But I also know it's there on the shelf, and I'll reach for it when I need to.
New moons are a good time for thinking about what should end and what should be embraced and what might be worth pausing to look upon differently... a good time to think about what you really want and need, whether that means going back to something old and familiar, or thinking about a new and perhaps scarier prospect.
Happy weekend, you guys!